Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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