My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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