How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
