my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
