i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize