some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
