im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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