I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
