if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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