I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
