I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
