hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
