Got a toothbrush?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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