...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
