I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
