she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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