i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
its not stalking. its research.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
