Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
