Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you inspire me to be a worse person
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize