I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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