Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
