Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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