if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
