the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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