My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
