How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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