Your tits are I can't wait for
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
