Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
