My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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