and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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