I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
