It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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