i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
