i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
