I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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