I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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