Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
