It's like God shit irony all over that family
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
