I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We got so high we made milksteak
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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