My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
