it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
