Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
