I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
