I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
