Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
