I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
