Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
