I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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