My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
