that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
