You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
