i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
