I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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