My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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