remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
