We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
