mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
