i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i came on her dog
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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