all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
