Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
