can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
