It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
