I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
