Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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