u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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