i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
