i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
